A Quick Exit

I'm not sure what the reasons were, but I was not asked to return for the second round of the audition.   I have my ideas about why this is.  I definitely could have played better than I did.  But who knows at this point whether that would have made a difference in the outcome.  You either pass or you don't.  75% of us didn't pass.  Often the judges are even more picky.  I think the orchestra may want  a dark, heavy "German" sound, not the lighter, more flexible "American" sound that I have.  I'll try to get some feedback tomorrow from the orchestra manager.  It is interesting that my feelings about how the audition went while it was happening were more negative than what I hear on my iPhone recording of the audition.

I had a scary dream last night.  I dreamt that my left arm was amputated at the elbow.  I think I understand it a little. Seven years ago I was playing for the Malmö Opera when I broke my left elbow and had to get surgery.  Eventually I  lost my job, illegally. I had, up to that point, for a long time been asking God for guidance about whether to continue working as a musician or to go to seminary.  I remember thinking he might have to allow me to lose a hand in order to get me to stop playing, since he wasn't simply telling me what to do.   I think it is the same fear being played out now in my dream.  Well, if God wants me to stop playing, I hope he brings me to that decision a little more gently!  Please, no amputations!

The important thing to remember is that God hasn't taken a vacation.  He knew all along what would come of the audition, and it's not like he took his eye of the ball or had his hands tied, even though he didn't tell me not to take the audition. "Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, everyone of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts,  O God!  How vast is the sum of them!  If I would count them, they are more than the sand.  I  awake and I am still with you." (Psalm 139:16-18) Instead of lining me up for a new job, and a new role in ministry with Göteborg's International Baptist Church, I trust that he has some other reason(s) for me being here. Foremost on my mind is the work I'll be doing with the church. I'm going to take a few days now to re-calibrate and prepare myself for the evangelism outreach, small group leadership, and sermon which I'll preach in a few weeks.  I plan also to take some really great photos, which I hope you will enjoy.

Opera House 

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Opera House

The "Lipstick" building as seen from the Opera House